Hello (I would normally say DriveTribers but I guess that’s no longer a thing now) and a very happy Christmas. It’s that time of year again where I go (again, I’d normally say DriveTribe but I guess it’s just online now) to do my two annual die-cast car reviews. The season of gifts, goodwill and dull dads in silly jumpers shouting “Merry Christmas, one and all” in an overdramatic voice. A time which, I always say, gets less festive every year…I guess this year has eclipsed all other years at doing that.
Let’s not get bogged down with that because we have other stuff to be bogged down about; the car we’re taking a shufti at today for example. I admittedly didn’t have the same problem I had two years ago where the car I ordered got lost. However, in this economy, buying Hot Wheels has become almost impossible. You see? Imports are almost banned here, so I have to ask a dodgy company to make the order and deliver it to me. So a car that would normally cost you a little over a dollar ends up costing almost 20 dollars. I did order some cheaper backups, but they were nothing like what I wanted so I’m going ahead with the ones I initially bought. Plus, it’ll be easier to criticise with the price it came at. So for this year’s Boxing Day review, we’re taking a look at Hot Wheel’s Porsche 914 Safari…I’d suggest keeping your expectations low.
Once again, I was unable to overlook the missing door mirrors, or door mirror. I’m not sure what the design people were thinking when working on this one, but for some reason, there’s a door mirror on the left and nothing on the right. What’s the point?! You either have them or you don’t. I do realise that some Porsche 914s don’t have any door mirrors, but almost none of them have just one. But the door mirrors are the least of my worries. The paintjob on this thing is also a bit of a let down – it’s all thin in some places and nonexistent in others. The ridges on the roof hardly have any paint on them, and what I think is a fuel container is very badly painted. It looks like it was painted by a middle-aged man on a kebab night after feeding on nothing but lettuce for a week. I also don’t like the excessive use of stickers. Reminds me of Clarkson’s Porsche in the Patagonia Special where he decided to apply some stickers to make to his car look less boring. The details on the bottom of the car….well, they’re not there. Although I guess that’s because it’s technically a modified car so you’d expect a lot of work to have been made down there and you’d want to hide it. I clearly know nothing about modified cars, but I guess that’s how it works.
I do quite like the colour though. And despite it being made out of plastic (and it’s good plastic), the exoskeleton-y bumper with the flash lights looks acebiscuits. It’s also an pickup truck – how could I not like it?! They took a boring-looking car and made it cool. Playing around with it for a few minutes, it also felt like a pretty hefty but fast car. The wheels also make so much noise. Much more than many other Hot Wheels cars. And thanks to the wheels, I guess it’s the wheels at least, this car is one of very few that you can get to drift using nothing but a little interesting move with your hands and a push – you sort of twirl the car and it drifts.
Now I might seem like just a charlatan collector but I’m not. I promise you I’m not one of those people who keep their toys in their boxes or have shelves where I show them off – as soon as the things are here, they’re out of the boxes and have already had a bit chipped off by the first few minutes. I just like to think of these cars as real cars. You wouldn’t have random stickers and a thin veneer of paint on a real car. I still do like this car though; it’s got character, loud wheels and good looks. If it were to go to a party, it would be pro having cake and pro eating it. A bit like Boris Johnson. And on that bombshell, it’s time to end this. Buhbhe.
I’ll try that Boris Johnson one later.
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