A Light-Hearted Review of a 911

Today I was sent to review the Porsche 911 Carrera S, this car is said by many to be the definitive sports car and I was informed that the motoring world would benefit from one of my function over form reviews and that it would provide useful insight for those looking to buy a 911.

I did not want to bias myself so I did not read or watch any content about the car, not even the Porsche press pack as I feared it may affect my serious, sensible reviewing.

As I approached the car I instantly disliked the looks. Many describe them as ‘iconic’ and ‘timeless’, I think ‘unimaginative’ and ‘old’ are more appropriate terms. I dread to think what they had on their mood boards, possibly a series of other dull seemingly retro objects?

I moved to the rear of the car, to check out the most important area, the boot space. I could not find a boot release anywhere just some lines and a badge – what’s the point in that?

I then checked the front to see what engine Porsche had used and found empty space – a front boot – how bizarre. Perhaps it is one of these new-fan-dangled electrical things?

Or not, I turned the key to hear a raucous engine, one I instantly disliked as it would be a complete nuisance to anyone living near one of these impractical cars.

As for the interior, there are four seats but only two doors – black mark there. The seats are really only suitable for children however this is not a family car in the slightest.

I began to drive and hated it, the noise and sporty feel wanted to encourage me to behave in a sporting way and dare I say it, have fun. In the hands of anyone other than myself a car of this nature and performance would induce dangerous driving and frivolous behaviour.

As a result, my appraisal of this car is ‘undriveable’. The performance would stop me from driving this as I would fear it would change my behaviour for the worse. Yes, the suspension and steering are lovely but I cannot recommend this car.

Do comment your thoughts below.